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Text researchers have proven that wording influences the mood and actions of the reader more than content. One of the most influential aspects is affirmation and the empowering of the reader. Positive messages offer solutions, negative messages are barriers in communication, which create confrontation, says Katrin Aava, lecturer of work and health communication at Tallinn University.

People with strong identities speak with affirmation and focus on solutions. The most famous example would be Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech from 1963, in which he uses a negative message as a positive one. Instead of saying “We do not like discrimination in the society,” he emphasises the common parts between all humans. He imagines a world that would be a better place to live for everyone. Spreading you message from a victim’s standpoint is a weak position to take.

Which message would be easier to conform to: the one that says “Don’t drink alcohol!” or the one that suggests you drink half of what you planned?

We can use these techniques in our everyday lives. How would you feel if someone says “Don’t!”; “You’re wrong” or “I don’t like it!”? For an effective debate, we must avoid confrontation. The phrase “I have a different opinion” works as a barrier in communication and pushes the other party to the ropes. It makes more sense to add our message to our companion’s message, rather than frame it as a contradiction. Instead of saying “I don’t agree with you,” we could try saying “I value your opinion”.

Thus, if you want to influence people, try using Yes instead of No, empower the listener and focus on the common parts. In the longer perspective, seeing people as partners is more beneficial than a war of attrition. This way it is easier to influence people and find supporters to you own message.